


Six Times McKinley Beat Someone up for Ben and One Time He Didn't

by Awesomepie3221



Category: Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
Genre: Homophobic slurs used, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, but not enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 17:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4531209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesomepie3221/pseuds/Awesomepie3221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“A couple of fags, that’s what,” the angry one responded. He didn’t have a southern accent. They looked like brothers. That explained it. </p><p>Ben knew this wouldn’t turn out well, but he didn’t stop McKinley as he walked closer to the two men. </p><p>“What’d you call us?” McKinley asked. “I am so fucking sick of that word.” </p><p>“Yeah, well, that happens when you are one,” the smirking one asked. He was still smirking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Times McKinley Beat Someone up for Ben and One Time He Didn't

**1\. At the movie theater.**

They were going to see Annie and the day they had picked to see it just happened to be a day where the theater was absolutely packed. They hadn’t planned on this, so when they went into the theater with their popcorn they both let out a little gasp when they saw that the only seats left were at the front of the theater. The best seat they could get was in the third row, right in front of two very tall people. They could barely see the screen, and McKinley just happened to be a bit mad at himself for this. He had thought they were coming in enough time to get at least decent seats. Ben was trying to tell him that it was okay, that it was just a mistake. This didn’t seem to help as he just got angrier at himself. They couldn’t even see the screen.

Ben made the mistake of kissing him in order to calm him down.

In a packed theater.

“Faggots,” they heard whispered behind them. Ben winced at the word, he had been running away from it ever since he and McKinley had started dating. He hadn’t even told his mother about him and McKinley, he feared the word so much.

McKinley never stood for that word though. Not since he was little and got into sewing, not now that he’s seventeen and really good at sewing. He turned and gave the man who had said it a stern look.

“What did you just say?” he growled out.

“Faggots. You two are faggots. Frankly, I don’t like _faggots_ to see the same movie as me,” he hissed out the word faggots the third time.

“We’re seeing fucking _Annie_. It’s a movie about an orphan girl. I can guarantee you that we aren’t the only gay people in this theater.”

“All of you need to leave.” The girl that was sitting next to him was giving both Ben and McKinley compassionate looks. She was trying to apologize for the man but obviously she was no better than him, not even trying to stop him. McKinley gave her a gross look as well.

“ _We_ need to leave? You’re the one making a disturbance here!” McKinley spat back.

“At least I don’t spread AIDS.” This was when McKinley stood up and puffed out his chest, making himself look tougher. Most of the other rows were focused on them now, wanting to see how this played out.

“McKinley, stop,” Ben whispered to him, trying to pull him back down onto his seat. He was starting to get embarrassed. He didn’t want to make too much of a scene.

“No, Ben,” McKinley said back.

“McKinley is such a stupid name,” the guy laughed about it.

McKinley was practically growling at this point. His fists were balled up so tight that his knuckles were turning white.

Ben knew that was going to get physical soon.

“What?  Is little _McKinley_ going to punch me?” the guy taunted. Ben wanted to just yell at the guy to stop it.

McKinley didn’t even hesitate as he threw a punch to the guy’s cheek. There was a collective gasp that swept through the theatre. Suddenly there was somebody that put his arms around McKinley’s shoulders to pin him down and started backing up.

He was being thrown out of the theater. For defending him and his boyfriend. And yet the other guy, who had started it, wasn’t being thrown out. It was ridiculous.

“I didn’t even start it!” McKinley was shouting. “Ben, tell them!” Ben just cowered behind him.

“You did throw the first punch,” he finally said. McKinley didn’t respond, just let out a breath of air. He was escorted until he was fully out of the theatre, and even then he didn’t pause to catch his breath or anything, he just started walking to his car. Ben followed behind him, quiet as he could be.

“I’m sorry, McKinley,” he finally said as they pulled out of the theatre parking lot.

“I really wanted to see that movie.”

Ben laughed.

**2\. At the camp.**

It was their second summer as a couple, and they weren’t the least bit hidden about it. All of the counselor’s knew, even Henry knew. They had nothing to hide.

Even when it came to the campers.

Beth knew that having a gay couple around could affect the success of the camp once the parents found out, but she had made sure that Ben knew that she didn’t care. She’d rather have happy counselors than a million campers.

“Campers get annoying anyway. If I could I would only have you guys,” she said. She gave Ben’s shoulder a tiny fist bump as she walked past him. He knew what she meant because right as she stopped talking to him, she was yelling at campers for climbing a tree that clearly had “No climbing” written on it.

So Ben and McKinley didn’t try and keep their relationship secret at all. They cuddled in one of each others bunk, went into the shed at the same, ate all their meals together, even risked kissing right in the middle of the camp.

The only problem was that even though all the staff was okay with them, the campers were not. One group of campers thought it was the best idea to bring “matters into their own hands” instead of contacting their parents.

They would gang up on Ben, not McKinley. Never McKinley. He was too strong, he could beat the shit out of them, and they knew that. But Ben on the other hand. Ben may look strong, but he wasn’t. And even though he was two years older than the whole group, they were tougher than him.

“You’re supposed to be asleep,” Ben said to them one day as they walked up to them. It was eleven PM and he was in the theater cabin, just cleaning up from the day’s activities. It was just him, Susie had went to bed a bit early (after making sure Ben was okay with that, of course).

“You don’t have the right to tell us anything,” the obvious leader said to Ben. He was at the front of the group, which was made of about five boys and two girls. Ben just stared at them. His heartbeat was starting to beat at a faster pace. These kids didn’t mean well.

“I’m a counselor,” he said. His voice was shaking, no matter how hard he tried to make it not. “Go to bed.”

“Fine,” the leader said. He turned around and started walking out of the cabin, with the other kids following him. Ben gulped. He finished his work with shaking hands and then he ran to his cabin and tucked himself into his bed. For the rest of the week he did his best to not be alone. He stuck next to Coop, or Susie (sticking next to Susie didn’t seem suspicious so it was the best option), and sometimes McKinley. For a few days all he did was convince McKinley to stay in their shed. He refused to tell him why, and honestly, with how many times McKinley got lucky he couldn’t complain too much.

“I knew we’d catch you eventually.” It was the same voice. Ben turned. It was the same kid, followed by the same group. Fuck. Shit. Crap.

This won’t turn out well this time.

He hadn’t meant to be alone, he just didn’t realize that Susie had left. She had given him no warning, which really wasn’t her fault since she didn’t know, but Ben still couldn’t help but be upset about it.

The leader walked closer to him, and Ben couldn’t help but back away in fear. They slowly crept up on him until he was backed against a wall, with nowhere to go. And they attacked. They were quiet about it too, making sure not to make too much of a noise so as not to attract attention.

Susie was the one who found him ten minutes after they had left. He was sitting on the stage with his legs dangling off. He was in a lot of pain, just one slight movement and he couldn’t help but wince, and sometimes even bite his lip so as not to cry out. He had bruises all over him, a few cuts from struggling on the wooden floor, and he was just plain sore. His stomach hurt like hell. It hadn’t helped that he thought it was a good idea to go on the stage.

“Oh my god!” she shouted. She started running towards Ben. “What happened to you?”

“I got beat up,” he replied. It hurt to talk, at one point he had bit his tongue really hard.

“By who?” She was so worried for him, and he honestly couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

“Does it matter?” he said. He finally created eye contact with Susie and just broke down into sobs. She wrapped him into a hug and he held onto her like his life depended on it.

“Don’t tell McKinley, don’t tell McKinley,” he kept repeating.

She was rubbing his back to try and comfort him.

“I won’t,” she said finally. She wanted to, she wanted to tell him so badly. McKinley would fix this.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he said. He let go of her.

“How do you expect to hide all this?” she finally asked. She had hopped up onto the stage next to him and she was still rubbing his back. He wiped his eyes before answering.

“We have makeup, right?” Even though he was trying to become all bright about this, his voice was still shaking.

“Shower first,” she replied.

“I don’t know if I can walk anymore.” She got off the stage and held he hands out for Ben to grab. He did and came off the stage, but as he tried to put his weight back down he bit his lip so hard he tasted fresh blood. Susie just wrapped her arm around his shoulder and Ben did the same.

They managed to get him cleaned up without anyone seeing them.

The second time it happened Beth caught them in the act. It had been a week since the last incident, so Ben was mostly healed. Or well, he could do everything without Susie’s help anymore. Although, he made the same mistake of being alone in his cabin.

She walked into the cabin and saw the group of kids surrounding something.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Beth shouted.

“Scatter!” the leader screamed and the whole group went running to scramble out of the two doors that led outside.

“Ben!” she exclaimed once she finally got a clear look at him. She ran to his side. He was holding his arm this time. He had blood dribbling out of his nose and mouth and he seemed to be having trouble breathing. He kept taking deep breaths, trying to get air. He didn’t want to open his eyes. The campers would still be there. They would still be there to hurt him.

“Ben,” she said again, but this time in a whisper. She was holding his face and rubbing his cheek. He finally opened his eyes to see Beth staring down at him.

“Hi,” he said in a hoarse voice. She let out the air she had been holding in.

“Come on, let’s get you back on your bed.” The campers had shoved him off the bed, that’s why he was holding his arm. It really hurt.

“I don’t-” he didn’t finish the sentence, instead having a huge coughing fit. He finally calmed down enough.

“You’re coughing up blood.”

“Mouth is bleeding inside,” he said. It took almost all his strength.

“You need to go to the hospital.”

“No!” he yelled. It scared Beth enough that she lurched back. She had never seen Ben be so forceful. “No,” he repeated, this time in a whisper.

She didn’t argue further but she did manage to get Ben on his bed, with hard work.

He coughed again before stuttering out “don’t tell McKinley.”

“I’m getting Nurse Nancy,” was all she said. Ben started at the ceiling until Nurse Nancy made him move.

The next few days, as Ben recovered (he had lied to McKinley and told him that he took a bad fall off a tree. McKinley believe it just enough for it to work), Beth did her best to track down the group that had done it. No matter how hard she worked on it, she wasn’t able to find one person. Ben knew who it was, but when she asked him if he knew, he had lied and said no.

The third time was somehow even worse. No one found him this time.  He was in one of the sheds were they kept all the life-jackets and the tubes. He thought he was safe enough, but the group still managed to find him. It was still the same amount of people who were there the other two times. They did their business until they finally left. Ben was absolutely sobbing at this point, doing his best not to scream as loud as he could. He was in so much pain. Bruises from the first time that had almost healed were now fresh again and scabs were reopened. They had beat him with boots this time, instead of the usual tennis shoes. He knew he was cut all over from where the boots had hit him and opened his skin. He laid in the shed for hours, rarely moving. It hurt too much. All he did was lay and cry. A few times he tried to just sit up against the wall, but he couldn’t do it. It was too much.

It wasn’t until 10, when the campers had to go to bed, and Ben had been laying there for at least six hours was he finally able to stand up. He did it slowly, because the pain was almost unbearable. He limped to his cabin and laid in his bed. All the boys in it were already asleep, so he didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing him.

He fell asleep five minutes after he laid down.

He was almost fully recovered after three weeks. He hadn’t been alone since then, no matter how safe he thought he would be. He stayed with the other counselors, sometimes even Andy if times got desperate. McKinley started to notice this.

“Why are you always with somebody?” he finally asked one night while they were talking in their shed.

“I like to talk,” he lied with a grin. McKinley didn’t push it after that, just picked a piece of decaying wood that was on the ground and started to play with it. When McKinley wasn’t looking, Ben frowned. He hated lying to him, even if it was a lousy lie. McKinley knew something was wrong, especially since Ben refused to kiss him unless they were completely alone, and even then he barely did. He was terrified of something and McKinley knew that.

Ben waited and waited for the group to come but they never did. It had been five weeks since the last beating, and only a week before camp was over. Ben lived in constant fear that they were going to come back, especially because he had started to be alone again. He was in the theater cabin one day when McKinley entered it with a bottle of vodka.

“I think you need a drink,” he explained. He put it on the stage and sat down on it, opening the vodka.

Ben wasn’t one to drink a lot, he just didn’t like it. But honestly, at that point, he didn’t care anymore.

McKinley took a swig of the vodka and shut his eyes tight as it went down. “Stuff’s strong,” he finally said.

Ben took the vodka from McKinley and drank a little bit too much. He felt it burn as it went down his throat, making his mouth numb. It burned so much he couldn’t even breathe before it went all the way down. He sat the bottle down on the stage and then looked back at Ben.

“I told you,” McKinley said. Ben smiled. He could already feel the effects of the vodka. He knew he would only feel lighter as it went through his system.

McKinley drank a little bit more before handing it back to Ben. Ben drank just as much as he had the last time. It felt nice as it went down his throat this time. It was numbing the pain. Ben tried to give the bottle back to McKinley but he refused it.

“Suit yoself,” he slurred. It was already harder to talk. Good.

They sat in silence for a while, with Ben still slowly drinking more of the vodka. Eventually he handed it to McKinley, who took it and put it on the other side of him.

“You drank a lot,” he said. Ben smiled and nodded really hard.

“That sfun,” he said as he continued to nod his head. McKinley chuckled before he stopped Ben from nodding and he took his face in his hands, bringing his mouth to his. He tasted like vodka, and his French kissing was a lot more sloppy than usual but that didn’t matter. McKinley still loved him, drunk or not.

Ben suddenly toppled onto McKinley and started making out with him even harder on the stage. McKinley had his legs spread so Ben fit perfectly and was able to get their lips together.

When Ben tried to get McKinley’s pants off, McKinley didn’t let him. Even if they did love each other, Ben was too drunk to really give consent. He didn’t want Ben to regret anything in the morning.

When McKinley pushed off Ben, he expected Ben to just laugh and think it’s a game. For him to just climb back onto McKinley and try even harder. But instead of doing any of that he broke down into sobs. McKinley was surprised at that. He wrapped Ben into a hug and just held him.

“I’m such a fuck up,” he was sobbing out. It was so slurred that it took McKinley a while to get what he was saying and when he did he didn’t even hesitate with pulling Ben’s face to look at him. He gave him a kiss that was able to calm down Ben enough that he stopped crying.

McKinley stroked Ben’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so much.” Ben pushed back and started to take off his shirt. McKinley was prepared to, again, turn down Ben’s offer of sex until he saw the first few bruises. As the shirt was pulled more and more up McKinley couldn’t help but bring his hand to his mouth and gasping.

Ben’s chest was littered with them.

“Who did this?” he whispered from behind his hand. It took Ben a while before he looked up at McKinley. There were tears clouding his eyes again.

“Steve Miller,” he whispered. His voice was clearer than it had been before. “And his friends.”

McKinley didn’t even hesitate as he got Ben to stand up and he took him to Coop.

“I need you to take care of him,” McKinley then said. Before Coop could say anything he was storming out of the cabin.

“Hi, Coop!” Ben said excitedly. Coop pulled him out of his cabin since he didn’t want Ben to wake up any of his campers.

“Are you drunk?” he asked. Ben nodded.

It didn’t take long before Ben was puking his guts out in the garden by the cabin, with Coop supporting him so he didn’t fall into his own vomit.

McKinley came back to get Ben after about five minutes. Coop happily gave Ben back to him and went into his cabin. McKinley had blood on his knuckles and when Ben tried to ask him about it, he only managed to mumble “yellow” before puking again.

Steve Miller and his friends left at seven in the morning the next day. Susie gave McKinley a high five as they watched them leave.

“Good job,” she said. McKinley smiled at her.

**3\. At Ben’s house.**

McKinley rarely went to Ben’s house. It’s not like it was that far from where he lived, but it just wasn’t a nice house. It had stains all over, it always smelled like cigarette, and usually the dinner they had was just some type of frozen vegetable packet.. It wasn’t a good place and Ben knew that. It was often why Ben would drive up to McKinley’s house.

That wasn’t really why McKinley hated going to Ben’s house though. Sure, it was part of the reason, but the rest of the reason was Ben’s mother. She was awful. She was constantly emotionally abusing Ben, but he never realized this. It pissed of McKinley. She was so damaging to his health but he didn’t even realize that. All he knew was that she was homophobic.

When McKinley tried to mention to Ben how abusive his mother could be, he would immediately shut him off.

“She’s an amazing mother. She used to bake me cookies every other week.”

“Used to.”

Ben glared at him and then changed the topic.

As far as McKinley understood it, she used to be the best mother before her and Ben’s father started fighting every day. And even then, she was still a good enough mother for Ben. But when Ben’s father killed himself, all went to hell. At first she would hit him, and even though McKinley saw how that was obviously not okay, Ben never got it.

“She rarely ever does that anymore. So, it’s okay.”

McKinley gave up after a while, it was obvious that Ben didn’t want to realize the truth. McKinley knew that how his mother treated him was going to end up effecting him in a bad way in the (most likely) distant future. But McKinley also knew that he’d be here for Ben when that time came. They’d get through it together.

Except when McKinley decided to drive and spend Christmas break with Ben. It was their senior year, they had no more camp, and he didn’t see his boyfriend near enough. Talking on the phone everyday just didn’t count, it wasn’t the same.

McKinley knew that Ben still wasn’t out to his mother, and he was okay with that. Well, not okay okay, but he was patient with Ben. He would sleep on their pull out mattress in their couch (the one that had weird stains that looked like blood but Ben was convinced was just coffee) to not make his mom suspicious.

When he got there he met Ben outside in their driveway.

“Your mom’s not home,” he said to Ben. Or at least he didn’t see her car. Ben smiled and winked at him before going and holding open the door so McKinley could get his suitcase inside easily. McKinley didn’t even finish putting his suitcase in the living room before Ben was grabbing him and making out with him. They made their way to his bedroom, refusing to separate as they did so. They hadn’t kissed in so long, how could they help it?

They were finished with their activities and had showered (with enough time for their hair to dry) once Ben’s mom finally came home. Ben greeted her with a hug, but she didn’t even return it. She just blew some cigarette smoke into his ear. Eventually she patted his back a bit and he let go.

“Who’s this?” She pointed her cigarette in his direction. McKinley resisted the urge to sneer at her.

“It’s McKinley, Mom. He’s been over before,” Ben said. He went over to McKinley again and stood as close to him as he could. McKinley smiled at this. Even though they had done other things, Ben still craved touch. It was cute.

“Oh. Well you guys have fun.” She shoved past Ben and made her way to the kitchen. McKinley heard cabinets opening.

Ben smiled at McKinley when they finally looked at each other. McKinley only gave half a grin. It was all he could muster.

It wasn’t until dinner did McKinley almost lose his temper.

He knew it was rude, but he couldn’t help but just pick at his half-frozen chicken nuggets (and he was pretty sure they were stale) and his peach slice with a little bit of mold on it.

How did Ben stand eating like this every night and not realize something was wrong?

“How was your trip, McKinny?” she asked after a few minutes of silence. McKinley put down the fork (he didn’t understand why they needed a fork since they were eating finger foods but he wasn’t about to question that) that he had been poking at his food with and tried to take a drink of his water but he almost spit it out. It was hot. He didn’t understand that at all.

“It’s McKinley actually,” he started. “And good. Although gas is more expensive here.”

“Don’t I know it,” she said. “Ben loves to use up all my money on gas.”

McKinley resisted the urge to tell her that they defiantly aren’t spending that money on food.

“Sorry, Mom,” Ben mumbled.

That’s what almost set McKinley off. Why did Ben feel the need to apologize for that? As far as McKinley sees it, she owed him that money.

He swallowed what he wanted to say and stabbed his fork into a nugget. He tried to take a bite of it, but it was so gross that he couldn’t do it. Ben frowned at him, but he just didn’t care at that point.

“Ben buys the food,” she said after she saw McKinley’s reaction.

You cook it. He didn’t say that no matter how badly he wanted to.

“I thought I did better this time,” Ben responded. He was chewing on the peach slice. By the look on his face, it didn’t seem like it tasted very good.

“Well you didn’t,” she busted out. “I can’t eat this shit.” She slammed her fork on the table and stood up. McKinley heard a door slam a few seconds later.

“Why do you put up with that?” McKinley finally asked.

“I love her,” Ben responded with a frown.

Even though McKinley often got mad just for the simplest things Ben’s mother did, he managed to keep his temper on the down low. Ben wasn’t asking for help, so therefor he didn’t need help. God knows McKinley had offered his help many times before.

Except it was impossible to keep his temper on the down low on a Saturday night. He had only been there for about three days.

Ben and McKinley were watching Saturday Night Live, a weird skit show that somehow managed to be funny. It was also the only good thing playing.

They had the TV very quiet too. It was so quiet that Ben and McKinley were right next to it and could still barely hear it. Ben said it was because his mother was reading a book and was very sound sensitive.

“Turn that down!” she yelled from the other room after about thirty minutes into the program.

“She can hear it?” McKinley asked. Ben shrugged and turned the TV down even more and they skootched closer to it.

“What the fuck did I just say to you, Ben?”  Suddenly she was right behind them. They turned to see that she was standing with her hands on her hips. She had a glare in her eye that Ben didn’t seem to notice. McKinley could smell the alcohol from where he was sitting.

Ben turned off the TV and stood up.

“Sorry, Mama,” he mumbled. He was a lot taller than her and definitely more buff, but at that moment he looked like a toddler apologizing for not putting his toys away.

“You better fucking be.” And then at that moment she gave a clean slap across Ben’s face, and McKinley attacked. He was on her before she could even scream. He had knocked her to the floor and was punching her face.

In just a few seconds Ben was doing his best to pull him off of her, yelling about how that was his mother he was beating up.

It took Ben a few tries, but eventually he got McKinley to stand up and look at him. McKinley wanted to cry as he saw the red mark that had been left on Ben’s face.

“You need to go,” Ben said in a stern voice. McKinley was taken aback, he was defending Ben.

“But-”

“Go!” he yelled as he pointed at the front door. McKinley didn’t try and argue again. He quickly and messily packed up his suitcase as Ben went to tend to his mother’s wounds.

As McKinley left, he got a look of Ben’s mother and he couldn’t help but smirk.

McKinley tried calling Ben once he got home, he hated having to leave like that.

Ben didn’t pick up though.

He tried calling again in a few hours. Ben still didn’t pick up.

He kept calling Ben every day. He couldn’t lose Ben. He couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t.

It took Ben a week before he finally picked up. It was Christmas Eve.

“Thank you,” was all Ben said. McKinley didn’t respond, just smiled.

“I shipped you your Christmas present,” Ben said after a few minutes of silence.

“I left yours under your tree.”

“I saw.”

**4\. On the roof.**

They were twenty now and they lived in their own apartment. It was a really nice one too, with high ceilings and a very open concept. They were lucky to be able to afford it, and even luckier that they were able to get it. No one out-bided them.

It wasn’t exactly in New York City though. Sure, it was very close. Only about a twenty minute drive to get into the city, but their apartment was in the suburbs. And not a very popular area of the suburbs.

But they didn’t mind at all. They got to be more open about their relationship because of it. Although they weren’t married yet, they still loved each other and could barely keep their hands off of each other. Whenever they went and ate at some place like McDonalds they always had their hands together underneath the table and when they ate at a fancy restaurant (which was usually only on their anniversary) they basically cuddled on the seat.

They’ve gotten kicked out of a Taco Bell before because of it.

They didn’t care.

But the best thing about living in the suburbs and their apartment building was the fact that it had an amazing roof that rarely anybody went up to. Of course, it was dirty and there were no chairs or anything on it, but it was amazing for them. They could make out, cuddle, or anything else couple-y there, without anyone ever bothering them. They had only had to deal with three interruptions before and it really wasn’t that bad. Two of the times they were just sitting there, watching the clouds go by and pointing at clouds that looked like certain things. (They knew it was cheesy but they couldn’t care less) and the third time they had both managed to fall asleep, laying spread out on the roof. They weren’t touching in any way so it didn’t seem odd to anybody who would have caught them. Well, it would seem odd because they managed to fall asleep on concrete, but it wouldn’t seem gay.

The third time it was a teenage girl with brown hair who had found them. She could have easily ignored them but she woke them up.

“You shouldn’t fall asleep in the sun like that,” she said.

“You’re right,” Ben replied, after he yawned and stretched. McKinley did the same.

“Either one of you want a cigarette?” she offered, holding out the pack towards them. “I come up here to smoke where my parents won’t see me.”

“How old are you?” McKinley said. Ben was shaking his head as a way to say no to her. She put the pack away and cupped her hand in front of her cigarette in order to light it easier. She got it lit and then took a drag before answering McKinley.

“Sixteen.” McKinley shrugged, even though he knew that it wasn’t good for her to smoke, it wasn’t going to get him in trouble at all so he didn’t seem to care. It was different when he was a counselor at the camp, whenever he caught one of the fourteen-year-olds in his bunk with a cigarette between theirs lips, he would take it from them and throw away the pack.

“I’ll buy you nicotine gum, but I am not getting in trouble because of you,” he would say.

Except this wasn’t camp, and he hadn’t been there since he was seventeen. He honestly missed all the people there, but he knew that he would get to see them in ’91.

They held a conversation with her for a few minutes until McKinley made up the excuse that they needed to go to work and Ben nodded rapidly behind him.

They didn’t have to go to work, they had to go to their bed and cuddle.

They didn’t stop going to the roof even after that. It was still one of their “safe zones” and they took pride in that.

It was about five months after the interaction with the teenage girl did they have another. They had brought a blanket up there and a picnic basket, to just spend the day on the roof. It was about seven PM when they finally fell asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms.

It was about eight PM when they were woken up by a loud shout.

“No! No fucking way!” They lurched up and saw two angry middle aged men standing by the doorway that led to the roof. One was smirking like he had just finished cooking the best steak he had ever seen, and the other just looked completely angry.

“Look what we got here!” the smirking one said. He had a thick southern accent, McKinley almost didn’t understand it. What the fuck was a southerner doing up here in NYC?

“And what do we have?” McKinley said in the toughest voice he had as he stood up. Ben stood up behind him, keeping his hand on McKinley’s back.

“A couple of fags, that’s what,” the angry one responded. He didn’t have a southern accent. They looked like brothers. That explained it.

Ben knew this wouldn’t turn out well, but he didn’t stop McKinley as he walked closer to the two men.

“What’d you call us?” McKinley asked. “I am so fucking _sick_ of that word.”

“Yeah, well, that happens when you are one,” the smirking one asked. He was still smirking.

“Why the fuck are you smirking?” McKinley asked. The man then frowned and balled up his fists. McKinley saw this and right away sent a punch his away, knocking him to the side. He put his hand on his cheek where McKinley had hit him and shouted to the other man:

“Attack, you idiot!”

McKinley was already a step ahead though as he ran to the other middle aged man and gave him an undercut punch.

Ben was watching from the side until he decided that watching wouldn’t help. He started to pack their picnic basket so when McKinley was finished (which Ben knew he would win) they could make a quick escape.

The previously smirking man was back up now and he was absolutely furious. His brother was laying on the ground, with blood dribbling out of his mouth. His eyes were open but he was just too old to be punched like that.

The smirking man thought that he was being sneaky, but McKinley knew exactly where he was. When he was right behind him, he spun around and tripped the man, sending him to the ground. He let out a loud groan.

“Come on!” Ben said to McKinley, less than a minute later. He was by the door, holding it open. He had the picnic basket all packed up at that point and he was holding it in his other hand. McKinley smiled and went into the door, running down the stairs.

When they got to the bottom, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“How often do I have to do that?” he asked through wheezes. He had his hands on his knees. Ben was laughing as well, but not near as hard.

Eventually McKinley stretched back up and gave a loud sigh of happiness.

“Come on,” Ben said, grabbing his hand and leading him to their apartment door. He unlocked it and they walked into it.

Ben put their keys and the basket on their dining table before going back to McKinley (who was taking off his shoes with those ridiculous knee-length socks he refused to stop wearing after camp) and putting his hands on his cheeks, bringing his lips to him and he gave him a sweet kiss. McKinley wrapped his arms around Ben’s back and returned it. When Ben finally gave up McKinley’s lips he put his forehead to his in that cheesy way they always do.

“Watching you beat up people for us is so damn hot,” he whispered. McKinley moved his forehead and smirked at Ben before he kissed him as hard as he could and shoved him up against the wall.

He was kissing Ben’s neck and undoing his pants real soon.

Sex up against a wall is just amazing according to them.

**5\. At an ice cream shop.**

Their child, Kumar, was the one who wanted the ice cream. Of course they weren’t going to say no to the little four year old that was still learning to trust them. They loved him, of course, and they wanted the absolute best for him. And if getting him ice cream would help him adjust to the new environment, then ice cream they would get for him.

McKinley (even though they were 22 years old now, McKinley still wouldn’t let Ben call him by his first name) was the one driving and as he pulled up to the shop, they saw it was packed.

“Oh,” Ben said. McKinley looked at him before he pulled into their parking lot.

“You want to do it?” Ben looked back at their son in his car seat and saw how excited he was. He turned back to McKinley and nodded.

McKinley turned into the place. He looked at the line (it was an outside ice cream place) and sighed. It’s going to take them at least fifteen minutes just to get half way through that line.

It was partly their fault for saying yes to Kumar on one of the hottest and most popular tourist seasons of the year.

He found a parking space and they got out of the car, Ben being the one to grab their toddler from his car seat. He didn’t set him down, just continued to hold him as they made their way to get to the line. Of course Kumar knew to hold one of their hands when they were walking, but Ben just didn’t feel like having to crouch down to hold his hand.

Even as they got into the line he didn’t put him down until he started to struggle to get down. Ben gently set him down and looked at the menu. He crouched down to his son’s height.

“What do you want?”

“I want sprinkles!” he said, in that still heavy Indian accent he had. He had come from India. When Ben and McKinley decided that they wanted a child, they knew that there was no way they would get a kid from American, being a gay couple who weren’t even married, so they tried for foreign countries and got a child from India. When he arrived they thought he wouldn’t be able to speak English and they were fully prepared to teach him, but he came to the states and greeted them with as much English as an American three year old could speak. Apparently he had been with parents who were way too much into the American culture that they had even gotten their house to look like an American house. They didn’t even have to worry about gradually switching the child’s diet from Indian to American, he was already used to an American diet.

That was apparently the reason the parents gave up their child, they wanted him to grow up in America, but they couldn’t afford to move there. They had him up for adoption for over a year before Ben and McKinley came along. They were Americans looking for a child, so they obviously got him.

“Well, we can make that happen.” He smiled and stood back up, taking his small hand. It barely filled half of the palm of his hand. Although he seemed upset that he had to hold his father’s hand, he didn’t try and take it away from him.

McKinley was on his tip-toes, trying his best to see the menu.

“What flavor do you want?” he eventually asked their child. He put his finger to his mouth and thought about it for a while before shouting “blue!”

McKinley thought about that for a second before looking over at Ben to see if he knew what that meant. Ben nodded his head.

“Blue with sprinkles it is.”

“What do you want?” he asked McKinley. “We could just get a large vanilla cone and share it.”

“Sounds good to me.”

It took them about twenty minutes to get to the window to order and by that time Kumar was being very impatient.

Ben leaned down to the window (McKinley was holding their son at this point) and ordered the ice cream, making sure Kumar only got a small cone. They went off to the side so the next person could order and they waited for their ice cream. It came just a few minutes later and Ben grabbed both cones. They walked to an empty picnic table (a very small on) and McKinley set Kumar on the bench so Ben could hand him his ice cream cone.

“Make sure to lick around it so it doesn’t drip on your hand,” Ben said. Kumar nodded and took a first lick. He looked so happy.

Ben took a lick of his and McKinley’s ice cream before handing it to McKinley.

“I can see why this is so busy, this vanilla is good,” McKinley said as he handed it back to Ben. Ben nodded and made some type of “mhm” noise. Kumar finished his a while before they did so they let him go to the playground that was only a few yards away. They could keep a good eye on him, so there was no point in not letting him go play.

After about ten minutes they had finished the con (with Ben being the lucky one who got the last bite) and they were just watching Kumar play, with their hands interlocked underneath the table.

McKinley then looked at Ben with a frown on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked.

“The people at the table next to us are talking about us,” he replied. Ben looked backwards and got a look at them. The two girls there quickly looking away from them and acted like they weren’t doing anything wrong.

“People do that all the time,” Ben responded once he looked back at McKinley.

“Yeah, but… I don’t like those girls,” McKinley said. He was still looking at them. He wasn’t even looking away when the girls looked at them.

McKinley saw the lighter of the two blondes whisper something to her friend and her friend nodded with a mischievous smile on her face. They gathered their stuff and started walking towards Ben and McKinley’s table.

No way. No fucking way they were going to do it.

But they did. They fucking sat at their table with them.

The lighter blonde was staring at Ben, as she settled into the table. She then looked over to McKinley to see his huge frown.

“Hello?” Ben said. He was so confused.

“Hello, boys.” She rested her chin on her hands and started batting her eyelashes.

“What do you guys want?” Ben asked.

“Oh, just to talk to you guys,” the darker blonde asked. She was searching through her purse for something.

“Why?”

McKinley hadn’t said a word since the girls plopped their annoying butts at their table. He was just frowning at them, wanting them to go away so badly.

“You guys gay?” the lighter blonde said. Suddenly the other girl said “aha” and pulled out a tube of lipstick. She started to put it on.

That got McKinley to speak up.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he whispered harshly. Ben leaned back and made sure that Kumar was still on the playground. He was going down the slide.

The light blonde put her hands up in defense.

“I don’t mean to offend,” she said.

“You’re lousy at that,” McKinley responded. He crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair. “Go away.”

“Who are you to tell us to go away?” the other girl piped up. She was finished putting her lipstick on and was staring at McKinley.

“We don’t want you here.” Ben nodded.

“Wow, now cute blondie agrees with him,” the same girl said. The other girl nodded.

“Yup, they’re gay.”

“And?” McKinley asked, disgusted by her.

“I don’t know, we thought you guys would be one of those cool gays like Elton John.” She was still looking at Ben, like she was checking him out. McKinley’s jealousy clicked in at that point and he had to refrain from punching her.

“First of all, Elton John is bisexual not gay,” McKinley said through clenched teeth. “Now if you would kindly leave.”

She put her fingers on her chin, pretending to think. “Hmmm… no,” she finally said. Her friend chuckled.

“Why the fuck not?” Okay, he may have sworn a bit too loud but he didn’t think that anybody had heard him.

They both shrugged.

“Our lives are boring.”

This was when McKinley stood up and scolded them.

“What are you going to do? Punch us? With your weak, gay, arms?” she said it with a smile, like it was the most amazing insult ever created.

“Ben, go get Kumar and put him in the car,” McKinley said.

“I don’t think this a good idea, McKinley,” Ben whispered, grabbing his bicep.

“Put him in the car,” McKinley repeated. Ben sighed and started to walk towards the playground. He kept looking backwards to see what was going to happen. When he reached the playground and looked back, the two girls were standing up with their hands on their hips, frowns plastered on their face.

He found Kumar and told him that it was time to go home. Kumar obviously whined, but he reluctantly followed Ben. He didn’t have much of a choice anyway, because Ben would have picked him up and carried him by his shoulders if he had needed to. Ben could tell that McKinley was waiting for Kumar to get into the car so there was no chance he could see one of his fathers fighting some girls.

He got Kumar into his car seat before the fight broke out. He could hear shouting behind him and Kumar was trying to get out of his car seat to try and figure out where the noise was coming from but Ben wasn’t letting him.

“Sit down,” he said to Kumar after the third time he had to shove him back into the seat.

The shouts were getting louder.

Kumar sat and Ben buckled him in. He rolled down the window so Kumar wouldn’t get hot sitting in the car and then he went to the front of the car. He was watching the fight unfold, while also listening to Kumar to make sure he was okay.

The girls were trying to attack McKinley, but they lacked a lot when it came to discipline that McKinley didn’t lack.

There was a worker running their way, a buff and tall male. He was shouting at them to stop fighting or otherwise he would call the police.

The girls were the first to surrender after less than a minute since Ben was watching. They were bruised and bleeding in more than one place.

McKinley then looked at the employee, whose mouth was moving but Ben couldn’t hear what he was saying. After a few minutes McKinley started to make his way towards Ben. He had blood on his lip (which was split) and he was walking with a slight limp. When he came to him, he stopped and put his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

“You okay?” Ben asked. He was patting McKinley’s back.

“Let’s just go home,” McKinley said in a flat voice. He started to walk towards the driver’s seat of the car, but Ben stopped him.

He licked his finger and started to rub McKinley’s lip, trying to rub the (mostly) dry blood off. He got it off enough so that it was just a red smudge underneath his lip.

“I’m driving,” Ben said. McKinley gave him a sad smile and then walked to the passenger side.

“He’s finally in bed,” Ben said later that night after he got Kumar to settle down and at least get into his bed.

“Good. Now come here,” McKinley responded. He held out his arms and Ben settled into them, putting his head on McKinley’s shoulder. They just sat like that for a few minutes before McKinley said they should probably lay down and try to sleep as well. Ben agreed and they adjusted themselves so they were in a very comfortable position, but they were still cuddling. Ben had his head on McKinley’s chest and McKinley was slowly wrapping Ben’s hair in his finger.

“We’re banned from the ice cream place by the way,” Ben said.

“I figured.”

**6\. At the camp again.**

It was ten years after they had planned that one meeting and they were heading back to the camp. They had dropped Kumar off at McKinley’s parents’ house so that they didn’t have to deal with him while catching up.

They both were pretty damn excited to see all their old friends once again. It took them a few hours to get back to the camp and the whole time, Ben couldn’t sit still. Eventually McKinley got so sick of it that he had Ben switch with him, so he would drive and would be able to sit better.

It helped only a little bit.

They got there right as Susie did. Her hair was curlier, but it was still short and bleach blond. She ran up to Ben and gave him a big hug. She was reluctant to let go of him.

They said hellos and said a few words about how weird it was to be back at the camp, especially since there were kids wandering around since the camp was in session. A few noticed the adults that were showing up and were pointing at them, talking to their friends about something.

It wasn’t until 9:30 until the last person, JJ, showed up. Somehow Andy had made it before him.

They talked for hours, catching up on what life was like. When Ben and McKinley told them about their son, Susie demanded pictures and Ben was happy to give her some that he kept in his wallet.

“His name is Kumar,” Ben said. He smiled and looked at some of the pictures that Susie was flipping through.

“Kumear,” Andy said, laughing at his own bad joke. McKinley frowned at him but then just ignored him as he didn’t stop laughing.

The conversations still went on until it was 5 pm and everyone realized that they had skipped lunch and were absolutely starving.

“Do you guys think Gene still works here?” Katie asked, looking around the room.

“With his talking can?” Gary added, laughing to himself. Well, actually, he knew the truth about the can. He still remembered the day that he found out that Mitch had been turned into a can of mixed vegetables, but he wasn’t sure the other campers still remembered.

“You mean Mitch?” Coop said.

“Remember when he and Beth dated?” Susie said. There was a chorus of mumbles across the room.

“Does Beth still work here?” Coop asked, looking to see if anybody knew. Everyone shrugged.

“We are at the camp, why don’t we go see?” Susie offered. Everyone shouted a yes except for Lindsay, who was saying something about how she was too rich to walk in the mud anymore. Except Katie didn’t stand for that and she forced Lindsay outside with them.

“What time was dinner again?” Katie asked as she continued to pull Lindsay.

“I think it was around six,” JJ guessed.

“It was at 5:30. Gene pounded that into my head,” Gary responded.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Coop said with an ‘oh yeah’.

“You think they’ll let us eat at the mess hall?” said Katie. She wasn’t pulling Lindsay anymore, but Lindsay was trudging through the grass with a disgusted look on her face.

“I don’t know. I mean no one’s told us to leave yet,” Ben said.

“Let’s go to Beth’s old office first.” They all agreed with Susie, even Andy.

Susie was the one to knock on the office door and when it opened after a minute.

“Beth!” they all shouted. She put her hands to her mouth and her eyes were wide open.

“What are you guys doing here?” she said, pretty loudly. It looked like she had tears in her eyes. There was no way she would actually be that happy to see them, right?

And then Beth joined their group and she was catching up with them. She was so happy to see them it was ridiculous.

When they heard the familiar shout of “dinner” with the guitar playing (Ben couldn’t believe that they never changed it) they all went to the mess hall. Gene was still there, surprisingly (Beth told them that a few years ago he had tried to leave but he was so messed up from Vietnam that no one would take him).

Gene was obviously excited to see Gary and Gary actually helped him hand out the food. Almost every kid that went through the line gave Gary a weird look, they wanted to know who he was, but he didn’t mind.

The food was still disgusting.

The rest of the day was amazing, and they finally split at 9 at night, when it was close for the campers to go to bed. They all got phone numbers, with Ben making sure to get Susie’s phone number first.

After all their goodbyes, McKinley pulled aside Ben and pointed to the direction where the shed they used to hang out was.  Ben smiled and nodded and they laughed before running off in that direction. The sun was still up, but a lot of the campers were in the showers so there weren’t as many people wondering around. Beth wasn’t with them anymore, she had needed to go back to work. Apparently there was a bunch of money calculations to be done.

They got into the shed and it was just as dark as it had always been. Not much had been changed. There wasn’t a lock on the inside of the door anymore, but based on the fact that the same crap was still in the shed and it was really dusty (they didn’t care ten years ago, they don’t care now) they doubted anybody was going to walk in.

And they went at it. They went at it like they were sixteen again and still excited about having sex and trying all new things. They were at the side of the door when a camper walked in. And for some reason McKinley’s first thought was that it was Andy. So he sent a punch. And he heard a loud thump and a high-pitched ‘oof.’

That was when he stopped what he was doing to Ben and looked over, only to let out a loud gasp.

“Why’d you stop?” Ben mumbled, his voice one of someone who really wanted something. His eyes were closed and his hands were scrambling all over McKinley to try and make him start again.

“Ben. I just punched a ten-year-old,” McKinley said. He was just staring at the kid, who was laying on the floor with closed eyes.

“What?!” Ben shouted. He was fully alert now and he was scrambling to get covered up. All he managed was his boxers and a shirt before the kid let out a little moan.

That was when McKinley suddenly realized that he was still naked and he pulled on his boxers as well before the kid opened his eyes and leaned up. He was rubbing his head. And then when he saw Ben and McKinley, he started to scramble backwards.

“Nononnonono,” he was shouting over and over. Ben was putting his arms out and was slowly going towards to the boy.

“Don’t go near him!” McKinley shouted. Ben stopped then, but the kid still continued to back up.

“Listen, kid, ten years ago we used to be counselors at this camp and we decided to visit, to just relive some memories,” McKinley said. He was pulling his shirt over his head at this point (or was it Ben’s shirt? It was pretty loose). The kid was still breathing really heavily.

“You two were having sex!” he finally shouted. “ _Gay sex_!”

Ben was honestly so embarrassed, he was pretty sure his whole face was red. It would have been one thing if a current counselor had caught them, but this was a ten year old.

“Oh, we screwed up,” he mumbled.

“Don’t tell Beth about this. Or your parents. You can tell your friends though. It’ll be a cool story,” McKinley said as he gathered up the rest of their clothes. The kid was steal breathing heavy and he hadn’t stood up yet, but he was looking at Ben and McKinley with less fear on his face.

“Come on, Ben,” McKinley said once he finished. He stopped in the doorway right next to the kid though. “Oh, and go to the nurse. Sorry for punching you.”

Ben gave him a slight smile as he passed him and after that they ran through the wet grass to get to their car.

They didn’t talk at all during the ride home, it was too embarrassing.

**The one time he didn’t.**

The signs weren’t obvious at first. It made sense that they wouldn’t be because it was the same stuff that happens whenever you get old. And they were old, getting into their late sixties now.

If they had gone back in time to their time at Camp Firewood, their teenage versions would have laughed at them. They wouldn’t get old. Nope, that’s not possible for a teenager.

But it did happen and it happened too quickly. When did it get to be in the 2020’s? The only things they remembered in the 2000’s was Kamur’s graduation, and the legalization of gay marriage everywhere. Other than that, they had no idea. But they knew that they were old and things happened when you get old.

You get weaker muscles, it’s harder to stand up, you sleep more, you get more aches and pains, and you get a lot more freckles.

And all of these happened to McKinley (Ben still called him McKinley) before they happened to Ben. They had no reason to think much of it though, because it’s what they had heard their parents complain about since they were thirteen years old.

So, yeah, the signs weren’t obvious at first.

In fact, they didn’t even know that anything was wrong with McKinley until his stroke.

They were eating breakfast when it happened.

“Ow,” McKinley said.

“What’s wrong?”

McKinley tried to explain but it didn’t work out. He was having a lot of trouble. The only thing Ben could make out was “numb”. Ben just stared at him for a minutes before he finally realized it: McKinley was having a stroke. Right in front of him. And he wasn’t calling 911 yet.

He scrambled out of his seat and grabbed his cell phone, dialing 911 as fast as he could.

He stumbled over his words as he told the girl who picked the phone up what was going on. She got his address and sent an ambulance his way. He thanked her quickly and hung up, going back to McKinley.

“An ambulance is on the way,” he said. McKinley managed to nod.

It took the ambulance a few minutes to get there, but when they did they immediately did a few things to McKinley that Ben couldn’t figure out because he was so scared and he had tears clouding his vision.

“We have to take him to the hospital. Do you understand?” one of the paramedics said to Ben. She was looking into his eyes while holding his shoulders.

“I’m going with him in it.”

“Only family is allowed, sir,” she replied as the other paramedic got McKinley to stand up and helped him walk.

“I’m his husband!” he burst out. “Let me go!”

“Okay, sir,” she said, completely unfazed to the outburst.

She then rushed to help the other paramedic carry McKinley to the ambulance and Ben was following closely behind, doing his best to resist the urge to touch McKinley.

They eventually got into the ambulance and the paramedics were hooking McKinley up to something.

“What’s his name?” the male paramedic asked.

“McKinley,” Ben answered. It took a lot of his strength. “Is he going to be okay?”

The female nodded with a smile.

“We get situations like this all the time. He may have some nerve troubles afterwards, but he’ll live.”

Ben heard all the words but he couldn’t process them. He didn’t believe her. He didn’t believe her at all.

He spent the night at the hospital with McKinley, rubbing his hand as he slept. He woke up a few times, but because of medicine they had given him, he wasn’t able to talk. Only to stare at Ben until his eyes drooped shut again.

Ben fell asleep at five am and woke up at eight. He was by McKinley’s side when the doctor walked in at ten. Ben was talking to McKinley and he couldn’t help but say how much he loved McKinley every five sentences, even when McKinley would chuckle and tell him he loved him too.

“So we did some blood testing on McKinley last night,” Ben held his breath, “just to be safe and we don’t have good news, unfortunately. See, McKinley has this disease called dilated cardiomyopathy, or DCM. What that means is that your heart can’t pump blood as well because of an enlargement in the main pumping chamber.” He flipped the page of the clip board.

“We can do a type of surgery that will hopefully fix it, but we won’t be able to schedule it until two weeks from now.

“And if you do decide to do that surgery, you’re going to have to stay in the hospital so we can keep an eye on you. Normally we don’t do that, but the reason you have this problem is because of a virus in your heart and we’d like to monitor you.”

“How did he get a virus in his heart?” Ben asked. He was still trying to process the information, but that was what he needed to know at that moment.

“There’s no exact way to tell but the usual ways. It’s more likely with old age too because you’re immune system gets so much weaker.

“I highly recommend the surgery.”

“What’s the point in not doing it?” McKinley asked as he turned his head back to Ben.

“There is none,” Ben responded. “You can’t die on me, McKinley.”

McKinley smiled and kissed Ben’s bony hands. “I promise I won’t.”

Except that was a big fucking lie.

But Ben didn’t know that until a few days later.

They got the surgery scheduled and Ben got permission to stay with McKinley for the next few days, but he wouldn’t be able to stay the whole two weeks. Ben was pretty upset about that but he didn’t argue back, because it wasn’t like he wouldn’t drive up to see McKinley every day.

“Does Kumar know?” McKinley asked once the doctor left.

“I haven’t told him.”

“You should go call him now.” Ben agreed and pulled out his cell phone, calling their son and explaining the situation to him.

He couldn’t help but cry as he did that.

Kumar came to the hospital the next day, it was as soon as he could do it. He stayed by McKinley’s side all day. He caught up with his dads and told them all about what he and his wife were doing and Ben and McKinley listened carefully and asked questions whenever.

McKinley mostly took this as the last time he might see his son.

The day ended with crying from all three of them and the next day started with Kumar saying goodbye and how badly he wanted to stay, but he couldn’t. He needed to get back to his due-this-week pregnant wife.

Even though they would have done anything to make him stay, they let him leave.

They didn’t do much that day. They went through old memories from their days at Camp Firewood and they talked about dates they had. And then the topic came up of when McKinley used to always beat up those people for Ben. And they laughed about it now, because it was so stupid for McKinley to do things like that. But he had such an impulse when it came to Ben, he could barely help it.

“Remember our first kiss?” Ben said. He let out a chuckle and wiped away the tears. He didn’t want to lose McKinley.

“I do!” McKinley said excitedly. “You were still dating Susie then!”

“Yeah, I didn’t know I was gay back then.” Ben smiled.

“Did you ever figure out that when I was talking about how creative I am, I actually meant how gay I am?” Ben nodded and laughed again.

“I knew it the moment you said creative over and over again. Plus, I couldn’t help but think you were really cute.”

“Yeah, well,” McKinley bragged. “You can’t forget that you also refused to kiss Susie, let alone have sex with her.”

“What can I say? I don’t like the type of body she had.” He smiled at McKinley again. “Anyway, she slept with that, like, eighty-year-old which is way worse than just kissing you.”

“She slept with that guy?” McKinley said, surprised.

“You didn’t know? Yeah! We told each other at the same time that we each cheated and it was funny because I remember when we told each other, I said ‘he’s straight?’ while at the same time she said ‘he’s gay?’. I don’t know how I remember that.”

McKinley laughed and then took a deep breath. They sat in silence for about thirty minutes, with McKinley resting his eyes and Ben just looking at him. He could look at McKinley’s face for hours, even if it was getting wrinkly now and he didn’t look as good as he did when they met. But Ben loved him. So he didn’t care.

The next day would be the worst day of his life.

But he didn’t know that. Not yet, at least. All he knew was that McKinley needed surgery and that he was going to survive and they were going to love each other until they both died together.

Or at least that’s what he wanted to know.

They both fell asleep peacefully. Ben had fallen asleep on the chair this time, instead of the couch. Their hands were interlocked the whole time.

They both woke up at nine am, when McKinley’s breakfast was served.

Six hours left.

They talked for a while, like they’ve been doing the best few days. It was interrupted when Ben got a call from Kumar. He put it on speaker phone for McKinley and he was immediately worried when he heard crying coming from the other side.

“She had the baby, Dad. I’m a father. And I’m scared shitless,” he finally replied. They could hear him sniffing on the other side.

Ben laughed.

“That’s okay. We definitely were scared to be fathers,” Ben replied.

“I almost pissed myself I was so scared when I saw you,” McKinley joked.

Then those three talked over the phone for an hour because McKinley and Ben wanted every single detail. And once they got off the call, they got a picture of their granddaughter and they both cried.

Four hours left.

The doctor came in now with a nurse and the nurse went over to McKinley and started taking some blood tests.

“We just want to take some more to see if anything has gotten worse or better. Nothing big,” he explained. The nurse finished and gave McKinley a cookie and some juice.

“I feel like a little kid,” McKinley joked as he held the juice and cookie. Ben laughed.

Three hours left.

They were getting more pictures of their granddaughter now. One with Kumar holding her, one with his wife holding her, one of them both holding her. They were coming in fast but they couldn’t complain. She was completely adorable, with her father’s brown skin and hair, but she seemed to have more of the European features like her mother. It was a nice combination.

“I can’t wait until we can meet her,” McKinley said as he straightened his pillow so he didn’t slouch as much as he laid there.

“I can’t either.”

“She’s going to be an amazing person. I can just sense it.”

“Well, her father and mother both graduated as valedictorians so I wouldn’t be surprised if she is fluent in 5 languages by the time she’s three,” Ben said as he gave a cheesy grin to McKinley. McKinley let out a short laugh.

“Yeah.”

They were quiet then. Until about ten minutes when Ben went to McKinley’s mouth and gave him chaste kiss.

“I love you,” he whispered against his husband’s lips.

McKinley gave him a small peck. “I love you too.”

“You can’t die on me, right?”

“I promise.”

Why did he keep lying like that? Ben would later question.

Two hours left.

Lunch was served to McKinley now and Ben had to go down to the cafeteria again to buy himself a lunch. He tried to pick something that he knew McKinley didn’t like, that way he didn’t want to eat it with him. He had been doing this the past few days. It was because McKinley was on such a strict diet for his heart that anything that the hospital didn’t give him, he couldn’t eat. McKinley hated it and was always complaining about the gross food they gave him and to please buy him something he could eat, but Ben refused.

He went back to McKinley’s room with a sandwich in hand. McKinley had only touched his pudding when he got there.

“You have to eat,” Ben said as he sat back down on the padded chair.

“I’m dizzy,” McKinley just said. He put his head on his hand to rest it and closed his eyes.

“Do you need a nurse?” Ben asked, worried now in his voice. He put his sandwich down and out of habit, felt McKinley’s head for a fever.

“No, I’m good,” he said.

Ben wanted to get a nurse, but if McKinley said he didn’t need a nurse that he wouldn’t worry as much about it.

One hour left.

McKinley was asleep at this point. His breath was even and Ben couldn’t help but watch as his chest went up, then down. He watched for at least ten minutes before he pulled out his phone and went on his Facebook.  

On the post where he had said McKinley was at the hospital it had several comments.

One from Susie that read: “Oh my god?!!?!? Is he okay??”  
Katie: “He was one of the healthiest in our group though!”  
McKinley’s mom (who was almost 90 years old and still managed to use Facebook): “Why didn’t you guys call us?!” with one of those stupid Facebook frowny stickers.  
And then the last one was from Andy: “Ha, loser.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at Andy’s comment. Even if Katie did read it and was yelling at him through the post about how rude it was.

Ben didn’t feel like reading all those comments. He re-locked his phone and sighed.

He watched McKinley as he slept again.

Thirty minutes left.

McKinley was still asleep. Ben wasn’t about to wake him up though, he was fighting off a virus. He could sleep all day if he wanted, as long as he got rid of that virus.

Ben was doing crossword puzzles (which he wasn’t too good at because he had no idea who the celebrity’s where these days) but he did his best. Out of the whole puzzle, he only got about five right.

Fifteen minutes left.

Not awake yet. Ben was still doing crossword puzzles, but he absolutely sucked at this one.

Who the heck was the most popular gay today? It was a stupid ass question, and it was even stupider considering it didn’t have enough spaces for Ellen DeGeneres. When the heck did she become not the most popular gay? He took a stab at it and wrote Elton John. He’ll just pretend that it’s the ‘90s again.

He read the next question.

Most popular clothes brand.

He thought for a few minutes and when all he could think of was Calvin Klein, he gave up on that puzzle.

Ten minutes left.

It was official at this point, he hated being old and he hated crossword puzzles.

He threw it into his bag and took his phone out again, going back on to Facebook.

He checked his status.

Andy and Katie were still arguing about whether it was rude or not (which it was, but Ben didn’t care) and McKinley’s mom had commented again:

“Freaken call me!!”

Ben didn’t call her.

Five minutes left.

He was reading on his phone when McKinley’s breathing started to mess up. It wasn’t going up and down smoothly anymore, he was breathing like he had just done a run around their apartment building.

Ben called in a nurse as soon as he noticed this.

“How long has he been asleep?” she asked as she checked his pulse. It was rapid.

“About an hour,” Ben responded, carefully watching what she was doing. He was so scared that he kept forgetting to breath.

He promised he wouldn’t die though. McKinley kept his promises.

She rushed out of the room and brought in some type of tubes and she put them into his nose and a mask over his mouth. She watched him for about thirty seconds and then let out a sigh of relief.

“That’ll help him breath,” she explained. “I’m going to bring in the doctor to check up on him.” She left the room.

Ben’s heart was beating rapidly from anxiety.

Two minutes left.

The doctor came in really quickly, with the nurse following behind him. Ben scooted back from McKinley so they had an easier reach. The doctor checked his pulse and heartbeat. He then went and looked at things that were on the monitors.

Couldn’t he just fucking tell Ben whether McKinley was all right or not already? He was terrified.

One minute left.

The thing was, McKinley wasn’t all right. He wasn’t all right at all. In fact, right now, he was being shocked to jump start his heart.

But Ben wasn’t really seeing all this. He was seeing it in a film of tears, and his ears were numb and he was shaking really badly.

But he didn’t notice how badly he was shaking.

All he saw was McKinley. McKinley dying in front of his eyes. Dying. _Dying_.

He promised. _He fucking promised_.

Thirty seconds left.

The nurse was ushering him out of the room now and he was following behind, but he was going slowly. He didn’t want to leave. That was his husband dying there. His husband needed him.

“You need to go, sir,” she said. And Ben looked at her with clouded eyes. She was blurry and he could barely hear her, but she was definitely trying to pull him out.

“ _NO_!” he shouted as loud as he could.

Fifteen seconds left.

He pushed her away as hard as he could and then she’s falling to the floor but he just can’t connect the things in his brain that tells him right from wrong to know that pushing these people away were wrong.

And then he’s being hooked by the arms and he’s being dragged out of the room, shouting as loud as he could again.

Five seconds left.

Before the door was fully shut, he heard it.

He heard the final continuous beep of the heart monitor.

Zero seconds left.

His heart gave out on him.

He husband is dead.

Dead.

 _Dead_.

What did that word mean again?

He couldn’t remember.

He didn’t care.

Dead.

He’s pulling his hair and he’s screaming at the top of his lungs now. And he has an idea that he’s making a huge scene but he can’t fully process this so he’s still screaming and now there’s a nurse running to him and trying to get him to calm down but he doesn’t want to calm down so he’s not going to calm down.

And then he hits her. Right across the face.

And that’s when he realizes what he’s done.

And he’s apologizing because he just hit someone who’s trying to help him.

And his husband is dead.

He’s sobbing now. Just completely sobbing, with tears streaming down his face onto his pants and snot running down his mouth and he’s trembling but he just doesn’t care at this point.

The nurse tries to bring him water but he declines it and apologizes again because when he sees her there’s a red mark across her face and he just feels so bad.

He cries on the floor in front of the wall that separates him and his dead husband for what seems like hours. He can’t stop no matter how hard he tries. A nurse is sitting with him, rubbing his back and he honestly wants her to stop and just leave him alone but at the same time he can’t imagine how much worse he’d be doing if she wasn’t there comforting him.

And even if he tried to make her leave, she wouldn’t. He’s a widowed elder who can’t even stop himself from sobbing. Why _would_ she leave him?

They don’t let him into the hospital room to say goodbye to McKinley no matter how hard he tries to make them. And after a while, they kick him out of the hospital.

No matter how badly he wants to stay with McKinley, they don’t let him. They put him into a cab and send him home with his stuff, after giving him water and a cookie.

He would have stayed there for the rest of his life if he could of.

He’s quiet in the taxi. He’s not sobbing anymore, but he still has tears traveling down his cheeks that he keeps having to wipe off.

The taxi pulls into the parking lot for his apartment building.

“Do you want help getting up to your apartment? It seems like you’ve had a bad night.” Ben just shakes his head, not daring to say anything.

He mouths a thank you as he gets of the car.

He makes his way to his apartment and he absolutely fucking loses it. Even more than he did at the hospital. He hitting the walls and he’s shouting as loud as he can and he’s hitting lamps onto the floor and then he’s tearing up their closet, throwing all of McKinley’s clothes in a giant trash bag.

He stops once the trash bag is half full.

“What am I doing?” he whispers to himself as he falls into his bed and puts his head into his hands.

After a few minutes of just sitting there, he tucks himself into the bed. He’s tempted to throw McKinley’s pillow across the room or just tear it in half because it still smells like him but as he’s picking it up he can’t help but smell it one more time. Before he knows it, he’s switching his pillow out for McKinley’s. And even though at this point he’s very dehydrated, he sobs again.

The hospital calls the next morning to tell Ben that he needs to decide which funeral home to put McKinley’s body in and he gives them an answer right away.

He calls Susie after that, telling her to get up there because he really needs her.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“McKinley is dead,” Ben said. His voice was cracking. He can hear an audible gasp on the other line.

“I’ll be there in a few hours,” she says and then hangs up.

He calls Kumar next.

He cries the moment Ben manages to say the words.

“I’m going to leave now,” he says. He also hangs up.

And Ben is lonely for hours until Susie shows up.

“We have to plan the funeral,” he says. And they do.

Three days later it’s ready.

And Ben can see McKinley again.

So many people came to his funeral that the funeral home was almost packed.

Even Andy came to the funeral, in an actual suit.

Ben made sure that McKinley’s casket was an open one.

When Ben finally gathered up enough courage to walk up there and see him, he cries some more.

He didn’t know if he’d ever be cried out.

McKinley looked so peaceful, laying in the nice, cushioned casket. He was wearing his one and only tuxedo.

“I don’t need to spend a fuck-ton of money on more than one,” he would tell Ben. Ben smiled as he stared down at the person he did- no, still, loves the most.

He’s still crying but he’s also smiling, just thinking of all the good memories they had.

The first time they had sex.  
The zoot suit.  
That one time they tried to do graffiti and failed miserably.  
All the lazy days on their roof.

Ben took his hand and put it on McKinley’s cheek, lightly stroking it. He was so cold.

Then he bent down and kissed his forehead. He leaned back up a bit.

“I love you,” he whispered quietly enough that if McKinley were alive, he would be the only to hear it. He didn’t want anybody else to hear his last I love you.

He somehow made it through the rest of the funeral until it was the end and they were driving his casket over to a graveyard in order to be buried. Not everyone went to this part of the funeral. Some had to head home, or just didn’t know McKinley well enough to need to go this part.

But Ben went.

Kumar was driving him and Susie there. Susie was sitting in the passenger seat and she kept looking to the back to check on Ben, at least once every minute. She was giving him such sad looks and he wanted to be upset, but he couldn’t.

He was watching the road as they followed their escort. He was counting how much litter he could catch at the speed they were going.

By the time they pulled into the graveyard he had counted up to one-hundred-and-two. Maybe he should just leave and go pick up all that litter.

It’d be easier than this.

But no, he didn’t do that. Instead he watched as the casket was lowered into the ground. And he listened as people said a few more words in his honor.

And then once the first shovel full of dirt was being piled onto the casket he said to himself:

“I really wanted to see Annie too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this was meant to be fully fluffy. 
> 
> Whoops.
> 
> My Tumblr is officialbillhader.


End file.
